He Got Married

I thought I would be really upset if he ever did but I am not at all - in fact Im very happy for him since he wanted to get married a long time ago but I was "unacceptable" to his family because Im shee3iya.

Biltawfeeq - minik ilmal oo minha il3eyal

16.10.2009

Finally I took that step.

Dear Stranger

Surprised?? That I am calling you a stranger?? Well what else should I call you?? The Love of My Life?? You are no longer. Unfortunately that is not the way that God wanted it. I may have completely removed you from my heart and my mind. But apparently my body still wants you back. Dont worry that will never happen. I would rather rip myself to shreds than even consider putting myself in that situation again.

You are now a stranger to me because the one I knew no longer exists. The one I knew would never have gone this far. Do I forgive you?? Yes I have forgiven you a looooong time ago. You know me, I am not one to hold grudges. Do I forget?? Never.

I am moving on. No scrap that, I HAVE moved on a long time ago. Why am I not in anything permanent?? Dont flatter yourself. I do not compare anyone to you. I guess I am just not willing to put any effort anymore. I am no longer interested in sharing my life with anyone or anything. I am no longer emotionally capable of trusting blindly such as I was with you. I am not even willing to give anyone a chance. Its my defense mechanism. I do it to protect myself. And I have you to thank for that. You made me the person I am today. Stronger, independant and cold. Very very cold.

I do not blame you. I blame myself for allowing the situation to go as far as I did. All the signs were there I just chose to ignore them. Everything I said I would never do, I did. Everything I said I wouldnt be, I have become.

This is the way God wanted it. And this is the way I will live my life. This doesnt mean that I will sit back cross-armed and not attempt to make my life a better life. No. I am working on it. Hard. Killing myself in fact physically, emotionally and mentally. But I have an aim in life. And I am going to acheive my aim. Including all the dreams I discussed with you. Except I will hold my head up high and proud because I would have done them all myself. Even if it means that you are not by my side. It is your loss not mine.

You are just a flicker of a memory in the back of my mind. I will not deny, I still cry over you sometimes. But mostly tears of joy for getting out of it before it was too late.

Good luck and I truly hope you are leading your life the way you intended.

P.S.

I got a new haircut - well bangs basically.

Everyone thinks it looks good on me even though I wasnt really convinced until a week later.

Today people at work saw my new cut and positive reviews so far.

Boss walks in this morning and told me I look good.

Now he just passed by and called me a poodle. LOL

Update: I beleive the exact word he used was "kaneesh / kaniche"

And Life Moves On

Awalan I would like to say Kil 3am wintu ib alf 9i7a oo salamah oo mbariken 3eedkum. Hope you all enjoyed the holidays. I must say that I did in fact enjoy my holiday very much.

Thursday was last working day and Friday morning I was all packed and already hitting the road to Dubai. I spent the entire holiday there (9 days). On average I was sleeping around 12 hours a day and spending the majority of my waking hours snuggling on the couch with a blanket and a cup of coffee watching whatever movie was currently playing on TV. By late evening, I would finally get bored and motivated enough by the harrassement of phone calls from friends asking me what the hell I was doing home all day when Im on holiday, I MIGHT by then consider doing something social. It usually consisted of either going out for sheesha or having friends over for a game of cards.

On an occasion when I had about 5 friends over, as usual the subject of my singledom was brought up. Apparently they all mutually know of 2 or 3 people that are interested in me but have reported back saying something either like "Shes very cold" or the most common "She isnt interested at all". So I gave in and agreed to go on a blind date with a friend's friend who was apparently perfect for me. He just proved how perfect he was when he propositioned me within 15 minutes of meeting. Needless to say I went straight home and dove into my position for the week.

I have never considered myself a pessimist nor the kind of person who looks at life negatively. But I am beginning to be this person. I guess life teaches you to be callous the hard way. In the past 2 years, I have only met one guy that I was remotely interested or attracted to. And he dissappointed me greatly. I guess Im just not physically nor emotionally prepared to go through the process of getting to know someone new.

I am now a strong beleiver in arranged marriages. From what Im seeing arund me, they are the only marriages that are truly working.

Swine Flu Statistics - Oman

According to this - apparently 928 cases identified in Oman of which 9 resulted in death.

It sounds about right doesnt it?? Thats less than 1% fatality rate.

Source: http://www.flucount.org/

Ramadhan Reflections

I know I know

I have been neglecting my blog for a while for various different reasons - mainly its time constraints. I have been keeping myself really busy on the weekends. Mostly either going to Dubai or hosting friends in town. The last weekend before Ramadhan, I spent it on a one night getaway out of town but in Oman with my cousins. It was a nice change.

So much has happened and like every Ramadhan, whenever it comes, I actually stand back and reflect on the past year. For me Ramadhan to Ramadhan is actually more of a beginngin / end of year as opposed to December 31st.

This year when Ramadhan arrives I was completely unprepared and in fact a little taken aback since it came back so fast. 2009 in general has flown by for me (others will disagreee of course) but honestly I remember last Eid like it was this morning.

So looking back, I evaluate the changes that occurred in my life since last October. I must say that this period (October 08 to August 09) has been the most life altering phase of my life. I have moved jobs. I started my MBA. I lost people I cared about and more importantly I eliminated a lot of people that did me harm. All are decisions I do NOT regret at all as since October 08 I am actually a much better person.

I may not be surrounded by as many friends as I used to be like this time last year, but I always say its quality not quantity. I have worked to better my relationships with my family and better myself. I have always been able to sleep well at night knowing that I have not done anyone any harm, yet now I am occasionally having sleepless nights just worrying about some people and how THEY are feeling relating to the harm they have done me. Yet I always say "allah ma ya'6rub ib 3a9a" (God does not beat with a stick) and simply roll over and sleep.

I have never claimed nor will I ever claim to be a good muslim because I do admit that when it comes to following religion's guidelines, I am not one for discipline, YET I feel and Im confident that I am a good person. I always wonder how many times I have had almost REALLY bad things happen to me whether they are accidents or such then I realise that God must be rewarding me for the good that I am doing in some way or other. Kil wa7id y7a9il 3ala gad ily ysaweeh (Everybody gets the same amount back as they do).

I am happy with who I am. Whatever I do is between myself and God.

Recently got a quote from a friend that I LOVED

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

Over and out

Another Mini Break

I know its ridiculous how much I go to Dubai but I can't help it. Majority of my real friend live there. I have a great time every time I go whether I spent the weekend going out meeting new people of just chilling at home with friends, munchies and a good movie.

So why is it that every time I say I'm going to Dubai lately I get the raised eyebrows from people or the "again!!!!!!!" comments. I really don't get it? Why are some people so bothered about my frequent weekends away? Am I bothering anyone?

And now the latest trend I'm getting is the "who's the guy" barrage of questions. Seriously? You think I go to Dubai every other weekend for a guy? He wishes! In fact if anyone knows me well enough they will know that if there WAS a guy I would never go. Its enough that the guys already have big heads la ba3ad akabirla raseh bizyada atna6a6 kil isbu3 oo tark laih 3indeh?!?! Noooo ssiiiirrrreeeeeee.

I go to have fun and get away from the trash I'm surrounded by here in Muscat. Why can't people just smile and tell me to have a good time?

7ad ywa9y shay min hnak? Zain a7san.
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