How is this possible?? And how effective is it?? I mean ignoring phone calls because u are not prepared for a specific kind of conversation helps. But for how long??
Im the kind of person that detests confrontation. Dont expect me to be eloquent when it comes to explaining myself or even fighting back. Im more of a "uh uh uhm ur such a bitch" kind of person. Amazingly enough the majority of my friends are the face-to-face talk kind of people.
On the other hand, if approached in a nice way where I dont feel like im being attacked, i will give you what u need on a silver platter.
Now, how do i prefer to be confronted??
In writing. Whether its an SMS or an email. Yeah yeah yeah. Laugh all you want. Its just the way I am. That way I will have my own time to absorb the situation PLUS I will not be able to escape from it. Because its right there in writing. Whereas a verbal confrontation would go in one ear and out the other PURELY because Im not happy with the tone of voice.
Ive been told that I should persue a writing career. A "Bridget Jones's Diary" style book where I describe certain events etc. Apparently I have a way of expressing things without people needing the snooze button. But I dont agree. Its not capturing people from words on paper. I think that for someone to be a successful writer, they need to be quick thinkers when taken by surprise and put on the spot.
"Uh what?? Thats not true. Im not even going to dignify that with an answer"
Needless to say, I am NOT persuing a writing career.
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5 years ago
8 m3andeen:
avoiding confrontation is good, but may not be healthy in a long run. what if someone picks on you all the time?
did u ever try writing? you have a unique style of expressing things
Confrontation it self has many different types and from your post, you seem to avoid the verbal ones!
It sounds like you're the kind of a person who’s mainly calm and when it hits its peak, you just explode and let it all out, so you somehow confront with anger where you’re angry at someone and you tend to reveal your anger to that person by words and/or actions.
I think if you tell the person directly how the behavior makes you feel then s/he might get it from your shoes. As in ‘what if you did that to him/her’ which might show you as a blunt or a stolid person somehow, but you can simply change that by having a smooth confrontation yet to the point.
Peoples who are blunt don’t fear confrontation and those who are not might experience the irritation of other for the long term.
Keep in mind, that when you send an SMS rather than a call, then it’ll indicate that you’re avoiding a verbal confrontation. Maybe you can’t hold yourself and you go all loud so if that’s it, confront only once you’re clam.
mystery man, u are reading me like a book.
but let me highlight one thing. when verbally confronted, i tend to loose my point and my words and everything actually. whereas im a calmer person when smsing, emailing, expressing in writing.
maybe its a bad thing. maybe not. so far its working well with me. much better than my verbal confrontation days. so im gonna stick to it.
You see the problem with SMSing and E-mailing is that the person who's getting them shall read them with a tone as they see it fit which might include some misunderstandings here and there.
Now you might be clam and relaxed with the issue but that person might not and here comes the result of a verbal confrontation. If you're happy with the way it is having it written, then how if you read it verbally? lol
Would it hit the same result? Ever thought of that?
What if the situation demanded a sudden face-to-face confrontation, would you skip it 'till you get a chance to SMS or E-Mail? I guess at some point, you’ll have to do it verbally and when it comes, you have to gain self-control.
Hope I read the last chapter perfectly this time :D
I am totally with you on the verbal confrontation vs. writing things out. Verbally, I feel completely ineffective, and always come away from the situation thinking that the person totally missed my plot. From the result of writing things out, I usually see much better resolution of problems. Of course, there are those who refuse to let their emotions get under control, even in writing...you are clearly not among those. Oh yeah, so all that was just to say: No you are not crazy to prefer writing to talking in conflict situations. It might be a girl thing...hmmmm. Keep it up! :)
You are partly right, I tend to be very calm, I can handle pressure well, and I dont get wound up easily, it takes a lot to get me angry, because normally I ignore little stuff, and I overlook a lot of things and I also give people chances. Now, having said all that, when someone really upsets me and its time for show off, I still don't go busting and in a ranpage, I would make sure to reach the person and tell him/her exctly how I feel, plus what my decision is. I dont get satisfaction out of sending sms or email, I just dont find it effective. But then thats me, I could be wrong.
I will only avoid confrontation if I am guilty.
Thats bec you are a lawyer. It comes with profession :)
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